Tuesday, September 30, 2008

breathing space

Soon I'll hear whether or not I got the job I interviewed for last week. Then comes the equally tough decision as to whether to take it; I think I probably will if offered but it's a very different direction. Different from where I've been, certainly. Potentially different from the things I've thought about as "next steps", which are many and varied. It's exciting to consider, if nothing else. Interviewing brought back a sense of competence and ability and "ballsy attitude" that I'd somehow misplaced over the last few years. That's not to say I'm a wallflower, by any means, but I felt more confident in that interview than I would have predicted.

Hmmm. Considering that I said in my intro post that I wasn't going into details about career transitions, I'm babbling rather a lot about this process. Ah well.

On a different note, in the month of September, I've traveled over 100 miles on foot -- and an additional 40+ miles by bicycle, and then there's planes and automobiles, and if you count light rail, trains. Some of that was fabulous hiking with El Bandito in the Canadian Rockies, visiting alpine lakes and scrambling up goat trails. Some was commuting. Some was wandering with a friend exploring any number of random conversational topics. Too little of it was running, but even walking there's a meditation in the footfalls and heartbeats.

I'm avoiding blogging about politics. There are plenty of intelligent & thoughtful voices that I could only wish to emulate, but I find the fury grows too quickly. Suffice it to say that this election gives me greater hope than many I can remember, but also terrifies me at a level I can't express.

100+ miles.
Now I just have to relearn how to breathe while in the water.
Meanwhile, tomorrow I get to hang upside down from my heels. I love trapeze!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

the things that make you you

I started to title this "RollerCoaster Week". It's still only Thursday, so I can't declare "Yippee in a puddle it's Friday! (www.dailycoyote.net)", but the week had alternately sped and stalled. Fortunately or unfortunately, I've never been on a rollercoaster, but I think I grasp the concept.

I had my first real job interview on Tuesday. Monday nights are my "alone evening", when my fabulous spouse is busy filling his brain with a foreign language. Instead of stressing too badly about the interview, I managed to make it a pleasant evening. Came home, threw on appropriate clothing, and went for a wog (walk-jog-walk). Not far enough, not fast enough, but better than nothing. Followed it up with 20 minutes of Pilates while dinner cooked. By the time El Bandito (pseudonym for my most adored husband) returned, I was nicely relaxed and full of tasty soup. He's been a trooper, helping me shop for interview-wear (Apparently, I'm a "guy" when it comes to shopping. I can happily search for the best mitre saw for hours, but buying clothing? MISERABLE) and being about the best confidence booster possible. The interview on Tuesday went well, I think -- first there was the usual public transit clusterf**k, but I managed to squeak in punctually. I enjoyed the interview, and I'm pretty sure I didn't completely blow it. There may well be a better-qualified candidate, but I do feel as if I gave it a good shot. We'll see.

The title of this post ended up coming from a conversation I had with one of my circus friends, who does some absolutely fabulous single-point trapeze ( www.sweetcanproductions.com ). She's been helping me find my way back to the trapeze after major shoulder surgery, and somehow the conversation turned to bruises and muscle soreness. About how I woke up one recent morning and felt the soreness in my body and felt so pleased -- sometimes, pain reminds us that we're doing the things we truly love. Sometimes, the soreness says "yes, I tried. and yes, I got it!" I've got black-n-blue marks from doing trapeze tricks for the very first time in a year, and I ache. And I love it. This pain? I embrace it. It tells me that I'm using my body. That I'm twisting, turning, and pulling in ways I'd almost forgotten were possible. That soreness? It tells me that I'm *alive*, that I've pushed my limits and loved every second of it, even while cursing.

Isn't that what living is about?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


Some random numbers from our vacation:

5 -- marmots seen in one day of hiking
2 -- moose, seen another day
900 -- meters of elevation gained (and then re-lost) on our first day of hiking
between 3 and infinity -- number of inside jokes generated or recalled
too many -- peanut butter sandwiches and/or granola bars and/or Clif bars
~100 -- kilometers hiked
6 -- the cost for 2 teens (see inside jokes)
1 -- job interview request via email
many -- freakouts regarding said email
0 -- miles run (bike, swum)
0 -- hours on trapeze

In many ways, it will be my "first" job interview. No, I'm not that young. I'm just leaving a specialized world. I'm excited -- and I think I'll be well-prepared -- but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about it. It certainly adds a little spice to my return to the "real" world from vacation.

Friday, September 5, 2008


Limbo: n. ... c: an intermediate or transitional place or state d: a state of uncertainty*

I applied for a job last week. On paper, I'm ... not underqualified, but not quite what they are necessarily expecting. I'm also fairly confident that I could do the job well and enjoy it. I gave it a good shot, and will follow up.

In the meanwhile, I'm definitely in a state of limbo, according to the above definitions.
And headed away for 10 days of mountain hiking in the wilds of our neighbor to the north. I need this vacation, as extravagant as it seems with lurking possibilities of unemployment. It also makes pursuing much rather difficult, so I feel even more like I am waiting in an uncertain place.

However, there's another definition of the word limbo:
: a dance or contest that involves bending over backwards and passing under a horizontal pole lowered slightly for each successive pass*

Our house is being painted. (We rent). Scaffolding went up on Wednesday, much to the critters' consternation. My consternation as well, when I went to put out the trash and discovered that there were cross-braces in the way. Limbo with trash cans. It was something of a challenge.
Between the two types of limbo in my life, is it any wonder I've had Limbo Rock stuck in my head?

Every limbo boy and girl
All around the limbo world
Gonna do the limbo rock
All around the limbo clock
Jack be limbo, Jack be quick
Jack go unda limbo stick
All around the limbo clock
Hey, let's do the limbo rock**

*definitions from merriamwebster.com
** credit to Chubby Checker, of course

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Starting out...

...with one foot in front of the other.
or other such cliches.

I make no promises here; this is an experimental space. I may never return to post, or I may spew random nonsense, gripe about politics (let me just say that there are some graceful transitions I'd like to see in the political realm), whine about training.

I do make a simple request: if you've stumbled upon this page and have added up the information within to identify me, please respect that I've chosen to post under a pseudonym.

I chose the name for its multiple applications to my current life.

1 a: passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another

displaying grace in form or action : pleasing or attractive in line, proportion, or movement

a) I'm in the initial stages of making a career change. There have been recent developments which accelerated the time line, but I've been contemplating this for a while. I probably won't go into details here - it's exciting, intimidating, terrifying and exhilarating simultaneously, and I feel like I'm on a roller coaster without knowing where the track ends. There's impending unemployment, but I hope that's relatively temporary.

ii) I do static trapeze. For those of you of who don't know what that means, I offer a random YouTube link. (I've never met this person; I just searched on "static trapeze" and promptly got side-tracked for 20 minutes). Finding ways to make the transitions between tricks look fluid is one of my main challenges. I fell in love with trapeze, and to a lesser degree general circus arts, several years ago as an adult. I chose it as a way to challenge myself, and somewhere along the line, it became an addiction, in a very positive way.

tres) I'm a wanna-be triathlete. Still very much in the wanna-be stages, though slowly emerging. Trapeze gets the majority of my athletic attention and energy. However, I keep reading triathlon blogs and the bug bit. First, however, I have to relearn how to swim. I seem to have developed a phobia of actually putting my face in the water. This rather hampers my swimming endeavors. Triathlons have transitions too...

So there you have it, a brief introductory post, which got longer than I'd actually intended. Welcome.

* definitions taken from merriamwebster.com