Thursday, April 30, 2009


level n. ...
16. an extent, measure, or degree of intensity, achievement, etc.: a high level of sound; an average level of writing skill.

Or perhaps this would be equally titled: "being where you are".

There's a guy in one of my trapeze sessions who is always thinking ahead to the next level. Sometimes that's a positive thing: it's good to have goals. Striving to get better and to constantly challenge oneself? I understand that. It's a large part of why I do trapeze.

But there's also something to be said for accepting where you are. To be able to look at what you can do with satisfaction for what it is.

Trapeze tricks build on skills. You learn how to do things in steps and stages. Sometimes it's just a matter of understanding the parts, but other times it's building the strength, the flexibility, the body vocabulary and trust. You can't always, shouldn't always, decide that you're ready to try something when you don't have the basics underlying the trick.

If you've just taken up running, a non-stop mile can be a victory. There's no point in kicking yourself because it wasn't a marathon.

I am, in my opinion, a mediocre aerialist. But that's not why I do it.

When I'm working on the trapeze, I Put Everything Aside. There's no room for other thoughts.

When I run, I Sort Things Out. Sometimes it's conscious, a thinking through as I run; sometimes it's just reaching a state where things settle in to my brain.

I need them both.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

definitions, two

New: having recently come into existence
Job: a. a specific duty, role, or function cb.: a regular remunerative position*

I have one.
Breathing a sigh of relief.
It's not the direction I thought I was going.
It starts 6/1; my current funding ends in May. A few days of breathing space.
I think it will be interesting. A new challenge -- different and the same.
and a raise from where I am. Can't complain.

I wish trapeze had a standard vocabulary.
It's hard to explain the new thins I was working on yesterday, even to other aerialists.
And yet, it was really satisfying last night. It's not that I made huge strides, but I worked hard. and some things worked really well.

I'm realizing I need to start working on an act.
I never thought I'd say that (type that?).
Trapeze was never about performing, but about challenging myself.
And now? I'm realizing the two things aren't mutually exclusive.
that an act might really be my next step.

I skipped my run tonight.
for no good reason.
and now that makes me grumpy.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

two days of sunshine

I'm not ready for Monday.
I have a meeting tomorrow to hopefully iron out the details for my new job. Yes, potentially, I have a new job. Not the direction I was expecting to move in, but it should be interesting, exciting, and challenging. Through a bizarre intersection of circumstances, I may be effectively in the same location, seeing my current colleagues and coworkers daily. That will require some adjustment -- to remind myself that I don't need to do X, Y, or Z for them, or worry about whether "we" are violating protocol in some incredibly meaningless way.

But this weekend,
I had:
A crappy run on Friday night.
A long walk with a friend.
A short but steep and truly lovely hike with El Bandito.
A dinner date for delicious food, after we sat in the car laughing until the end of NPR's Selected Shorts program. Yes, we're nerds.
A bike ride.
Time to watch dogs frolicking at the beach.
A potential partner for -- we're negotiating whether it will work out for either of us, but it might. Signing up for a race might help structure my training more too; as is, I run and bike because that helps keep me sane and increase my stamina for trapeze.
An hour spent in the garden plot, pulling weeds and deciding what to plant.

I'm a list-maker. Lists help me see what I've accomplished. What needs to be done. What steps to take.

This list? Two days of sunshine and a nap with the cat.