woefully neglected (Friday 5)

I think about returning to this blog every once in a while. Usually while biking to or from work, and then I don't sit down and do so.

The last few months have been jam-packed. Although, perhaps sadly, not packed with jam. Hmmm. It's almost time for apple butter and apple sauce season.
Too much to recount, especially when most of the handful of folks who read this interact with me more often than I seem to post. Perhaps eventually I'll update on the wonderful mountain hiking excursion, or seeing Casablanca with the symphony providing the soundtrack. Or dancing (albeit poorly) to Joan Baez singing not 4' away. Or not.

However, in preparation for another round of "30 days of a grateful heart" in December, I'm trying to regain a habit.

Five Things on a Friday

i) last night, I took another trapeze trick out of safety lines. and have two or three more that are almost there. I feel like I'm making progress, and it's a lovely feeling.

dos) I spent last weekend visiting friends in the pacific northwest. Nice to get a change of scenery, and detect autumn in the air and colors. It was a wonderful visit of walking and talking, but also somewhat sad, as their marriage has been quite rocky for the last year. They married the year before we did. I got home and took a deep breath in appreciation for the luck I have in my marriage.

3) I get to have dinner with friends and a nice bottle of wine that El Bandito and I brought back from our February adventure. I am looking forward to a lovely evening.

D) Tomorrow morning, I'm trying something new with my run -- I'm doing the first portion and then meeting a newly running friend for the last few miles to see how that goes. I think I'm slow; I know she's actually slower at this point, but I suspect I'll welcome that for the last bit. Then I get to have a day to work on household projects, which have been neglected too. See jampacked.

five) The building fire alarm went off and interrupted me. I won't actually consider that a sign.

running by feel

I had to convince myself not to run on Friday evening. I'd had a week of intense workouts, and thought that perhaps, even though it was a beautiful evening, I should give my body a day off.

I more than made up for it at the circus gym the next morning, and added a lovely evening walk with El Bandito watching the waves.

Today, after a wonderful, decadent day with friends and cocktails, I decided I really didn't want to skip another run, despite the fact that I was Feeling Lazy. (That deserved capitalization.) It was a surprisingly warm and sunny day, but the breeze had kicked up.

After getting changed and tying my shoes, I spent 15 minutes trying to locate my Garmin. I knew I'd seen it. El Bandito knew he'd seen it recently too. Eventually, I blamed Gozer the Destroyer (our polydactyl cat, whose name is not actually Gozer, but it's one of his many and accurate nicknames. aka, "why we can't have nice things". He's not that bad, but we're easily amused.) and went ahead without the Garmin.

I didn't even look at the clock when I left the house. I know the approximate distances in my normal loops in the park, and planned to simply run one of them so that I could know how far I'd gone. I was taking it easy, though I didn't have a real sense of pace -- I still have no idea of how fast or slow I was going. I assume it was slow, especially given that my afternoon involved more than one tasty libation.

About 3/4 through my planned route, it suddenly occurred to me that it really did feel easy. I picked up the pace a little bit and then decided to push on past what would have been the final turn.

I only added another 1/2-3/4 of a mile, but it was nice to be running for the joy of it. And to walk into the house and be told that dinner was about 3 minutes from being done (thanks, Awesome El Bandito!)

And since it's a three-day weekend, I get a long bike ride and baking day tomorrow (as well as catching up on household and work items... sigh... never-ending laundry.)

why i run. or something like that.

I always want to say something clever, at least with the title.

But that just means this sits quiescent for long periods.

Daily life is a bit of a whirlwind sometimes.

I ran another 5k "race" last weekend. A beautiful course. I half-jokingly referred to it as "too much estrogen in one place" as it was a "woman-oriented" race -- a fundraiser for a girls' charity, sponsored by a local women's running clothing shop. Fun, but not particularly well-organized, at least in the ways I wanted it to be.

It did make me think about my "athletic" goals for the next few months. There are people I know who have racing seasons (some of which are extreme, some of which just involve impressive triathlons).

I'm by nature a fairly competitive person. But that's actually NOT why I'm doing this. Especially the running. I run for the moving meditation, when it happens. I run for the ability to let things percolate and think through. I run the for sensation of slightly labored breathing and tired legs and the satisfaction of having gotten up that hill. I run because it doesn't require a gym, or special equipment beyond good shoes and a good sports bra -- it's just there. I run to see different parts of my city, my surroundings. I run to increase my stamina for the trapeze.

Yes, it all comes back to the trapeze at some point or another.

I don't run fast. Or far. I'm working on both those things. But that's not why I run.

and it's good to remember. I run because I love to. Not because I have to. Not because I want to beat someone, even myself.

the fact that it burns off my over-indulgences in wine and ice-cream doesn't hurt either...

restless

Springtime makes me restless.

I came back from our fabulous vacation feeling ready for a major change, though not certain what that change needed to be.

I'm still not certain.

The month following involved a serious work crunch, and readjusting expectations after no longer having a trapeze-related performance goal, thanks to the financial chaos the circus school found itself in.

I took a business trip (related to that serious work crunch). On the flight on the way back, I had a meandering conversation with the soldier next to me. He said that I just lit up when talking about trapeze. It's still my passion. I can't imagine running off to join the circus -- my body's just not that resilient any more. So I'm still training hard, but not with a direction. I suspect that contributes to my restlessness.

Setting running goals. Thinking about career directions and opportunities. Dreaming of moving to "middle earth". Planning more vacations. Researching adventure trips.

I'm still restless.

mixed bag

I got back from a three-week vacation two weeks ago, and it seems like forever. It was an excellent vacation, full of minor adventures, a lot of relaxation, good food and gorgeous scenery.

And sheep.

And penguins.

Things have been a mixed bag since I returned, however. My circus school is in the midst of restructuring and moderate upheaval. One of my coaches left. And my favorite class has been cancelled -- I can take the "same" class on a different day, and will, but I really liked that particular time slot for many reasons.

And work has been ornerous at times. Re-entry never is easy after a fabulous vacation, I suppose. I knew there were some unresolved issues to address when I got back.

However, I did say it was a mixed bag. And that indicates good along with cranky.

Finding out I've been put forward for a raise/promotion, a year ahead of schedule.

A run in the light rain. Slow, but felt surprisingly easy considering how little running I've done in the last 6 weeks. Longer than I'd intended, because of the ease.

Walking into the house and finding dinner was mostly ready.

Trying flying trapeze for the first time ever. Oh, I love my static trapeze; I'm not giving it up! But it was fun to try a new aerial apparatus. Scary, but fun. Oddly, once I was flying, it wasn't scary, but waiting for takeoff was a bit unnerving.

A long catch-up phone call with a good friend. This too a mixed-bag, in that said friend is facing some major life decisions with fairly tight time deadlines. But still very very good to talk.

Tonight, a casual dinner date with my husband. Tomorrow, a hike with a friend, rain or shine.

and now, back to work.

it's bad timing and me...

... we find a lot of things out that way.

(yet another song lyric from my college years)

A month ago, I did something that scared me conceptually: I auditioned for the Circus Center showcase. Don't get me wrong -- just because it scared me didn't mean it wasn't something I really wanted to do. I've been wanting to do this for more than a year, and the freak ankle injury last July completely ruined last year's opportunity.

Actually doing it? Far less scary. I didn't mess it up, which is really all I wanted. I knew I'd done well enough technically that if I didn't get in, it was because my act didn't fit with the ideas the directors had for the show.

What I wasn't counting on?

Mismanagement and complete non-profit chaos that almost resulted in the school being shut down permanently. Less than a week after the auditions (and I was the first audition on the first day of auditions; 2 days of auditions were being held two weeks apart), the board of directors notified all the staff and faculty that they couldn't make payroll past that day. I'm fairly certain that the board wouldn't like me publicizing that fact, but it's not exactly secret knowledge.

A lot has happened in the intervening three weeks, I believe for the better. Many of the previous board members resigned. There's been restructuring. A new Executive Director. More serious fundraising efforts. I've been hearing about this in snippets for the last three weeks, as I've been on holiday far far away from the circus (in more ways than one). One of the casualties, however, at least temporarily?

The showcase.

Which had been scheduled for 3 weeks from now.

and has now been postponed, delayed, or canceled, tbd.

There are thousands of things more important than my crankiness about all this. But I am cranky about it -- it just seems like something's always off with the timing. First being sick for Muddy Buddy last year, then the ankle injury which still isn't 100%, now this. Grumble.

and there yet may be a performance opportunity in the midst of all of it -- at least one of the fundraising ideas will be an open house, presumably with a short show.

still. bad timing.

ah well. other doors will open.

every step

last weekend, I ran a 5k race in the park.

it's truly my backyard race. I did it for the first time last year, on far too little sleep and far too much stress. Last year, I had a time goal, and a secondary time goal and a "run every step". I made the secondary time goal, but neither of the others.

this year, I had a simple goal. Run it.

Overall, I was slower. ~0:30/mile slower. Notably slower.

But I ran it.

All of it.

despite the ankle.

despite the fact that I've been training trapeze, doing prep hikes for an upcoming trip, working too much.

despite the fact that run training was squeezed in.

and that some times I realized that between all these activities, I hadn't a day without a serious workout for >2 weeks. yes, it's a balance of strength and cardio. yes, it's different muscles. but sometimes, the body just wants a day off.

despite the fact that it was a good 15-20 degrees warmer than my preferred and usual run temperature.

despite all that.

I ran it. Slow and steady and negative-split. and managed not to be too disappointed in my time. I knew I hadn't trained for a better time.

and then hung out while a friend finished her walk/run version and laughed when she turned to me and said "I was smiling when I crossed the finish line and this is all your fault." another one hooked.

followed by a lovely breakfast at a cafe reading the paper in the sun with El Bandito, then a short hike in the woods. Ok, the hike was longer than the run :)

February's been busy.

This Sunday's an audition with my trapeze piece. Nervous.