I took 2 weeks off between jobs; having been in limbo for several months I've been socking away money furiously and we decided we could afford the break. We're even going on a minivacation -- 4 days of hiking and urban exploration on the other side of the border.
It was strange clearing off my desk on my last day, copying important files and purging anything personal from my surroundings. No one else is likely to use my computer; it's nearing the end of any useful life. In a strange twist, I'll be back at that desk at least intermittently for a while. I'm hoping it's only intermittent but the new department has yet to find me space. It's an odd transition.
Yesterday was day 1 of being "between jobs," as my google status put it. And I spent much of it doing things which were far too productive. Pilates. Laundry, bill-paying, floor-mopping, spring-cleaning, baking pumpkin bread. Fortunately, I'd made plans to meet a friend to go to the science museum, so I did stop with the madness. And I skipped my run, again -- I've had a chest cold for the last week, and wheezing and coughing makes running far less pleasant. I even skipped a night of trapeze last week, a sure sign I was ill. Sure makes me feel lazy though.
However, a touch of laziness during downtime? I guess I shouldn't give myself too hard a time about that.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
levels
level n. ...
16. an extent, measure, or degree of intensity, achievement, etc.: a high level of sound; an average level of writing skill.
Or perhaps this would be equally titled: "being where you are".
There's a guy in one of my trapeze sessions who is always thinking ahead to the next level. Sometimes that's a positive thing: it's good to have goals. Striving to get better and to constantly challenge oneself? I understand that. It's a large part of why I do trapeze.
But there's also something to be said for accepting where you are. To be able to look at what you can do with satisfaction for what it is.
Trapeze tricks build on skills. You learn how to do things in steps and stages. Sometimes it's just a matter of understanding the parts, but other times it's building the strength, the flexibility, the body vocabulary and trust. You can't always, shouldn't always, decide that you're ready to try something when you don't have the basics underlying the trick.
If you've just taken up running, a non-stop mile can be a victory. There's no point in kicking yourself because it wasn't a marathon.
I am, in my opinion, a mediocre aerialist. But that's not why I do it.
When I'm working on the trapeze, I Put Everything Aside. There's no room for other thoughts.
When I run, I Sort Things Out. Sometimes it's conscious, a thinking through as I run; sometimes it's just reaching a state where things settle in to my brain.
I need them both.
16. an extent, measure, or degree of intensity, achievement, etc.: a high level of sound; an average level of writing skill.
Or perhaps this would be equally titled: "being where you are".
There's a guy in one of my trapeze sessions who is always thinking ahead to the next level. Sometimes that's a positive thing: it's good to have goals. Striving to get better and to constantly challenge oneself? I understand that. It's a large part of why I do trapeze.
But there's also something to be said for accepting where you are. To be able to look at what you can do with satisfaction for what it is.
Trapeze tricks build on skills. You learn how to do things in steps and stages. Sometimes it's just a matter of understanding the parts, but other times it's building the strength, the flexibility, the body vocabulary and trust. You can't always, shouldn't always, decide that you're ready to try something when you don't have the basics underlying the trick.
If you've just taken up running, a non-stop mile can be a victory. There's no point in kicking yourself because it wasn't a marathon.
I am, in my opinion, a mediocre aerialist. But that's not why I do it.
When I'm working on the trapeze, I Put Everything Aside. There's no room for other thoughts.
When I run, I Sort Things Out. Sometimes it's conscious, a thinking through as I run; sometimes it's just reaching a state where things settle in to my brain.
I need them both.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
definitions, two
New: having recently come into existence
Job: a. a specific duty, role, or function cb.: a regular remunerative position*
I have one.
Breathing a sigh of relief.
It's not the direction I thought I was going.
It starts 6/1; my current funding ends in May. A few days of breathing space.
I think it will be interesting. A new challenge -- different and the same.
and a raise from where I am. Can't complain.
I wish trapeze had a standard vocabulary.
It's hard to explain the new thins I was working on yesterday, even to other aerialists.
And yet, it was really satisfying last night. It's not that I made huge strides, but I worked hard. and some things worked really well.
I'm realizing I need to start working on an act.
I never thought I'd say that (type that?).
Trapeze was never about performing, but about challenging myself.
And now? I'm realizing the two things aren't mutually exclusive.
that an act might really be my next step.
I skipped my run tonight.
for no good reason.
and now that makes me grumpy.
Job: a. a specific duty, role, or function cb.: a regular remunerative position*
I have one.
Breathing a sigh of relief.
It's not the direction I thought I was going.
It starts 6/1; my current funding ends in May. A few days of breathing space.
I think it will be interesting. A new challenge -- different and the same.
and a raise from where I am. Can't complain.
I wish trapeze had a standard vocabulary.
It's hard to explain the new thins I was working on yesterday, even to other aerialists.
And yet, it was really satisfying last night. It's not that I made huge strides, but I worked hard. and some things worked really well.
I'm realizing I need to start working on an act.
I never thought I'd say that (type that?).
Trapeze was never about performing, but about challenging myself.
And now? I'm realizing the two things aren't mutually exclusive.
that an act might really be my next step.
I skipped my run tonight.
for no good reason.
and now that makes me grumpy.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
two days of sunshine
I'm not ready for Monday.
I have a meeting tomorrow to hopefully iron out the details for my new job. Yes, potentially, I have a new job. Not the direction I was expecting to move in, but it should be interesting, exciting, and challenging. Through a bizarre intersection of circumstances, I may be effectively in the same location, seeing my current colleagues and coworkers daily. That will require some adjustment -- to remind myself that I don't need to do X, Y, or Z for them, or worry about whether "we" are violating protocol in some incredibly meaningless way.
But this weekend,
I had:
A crappy run on Friday night.
A long walk with a friend.
A short but steep and truly lovely hike with El Bandito.
A dinner date for delicious food, after we sat in the car laughing until the end of NPR's Selected Shorts program. Yes, we're nerds.
A bike ride.
Time to watch dogs frolicking at the beach.
A potential partner for www.muddybuddy.com -- we're negotiating whether it will work out for either of us, but it might. Signing up for a race might help structure my training more too; as is, I run and bike because that helps keep me sane and increase my stamina for trapeze.
An hour spent in the garden plot, pulling weeds and deciding what to plant.
I'm a list-maker. Lists help me see what I've accomplished. What needs to be done. What steps to take.
This list? Two days of sunshine and a nap with the cat.
I have a meeting tomorrow to hopefully iron out the details for my new job. Yes, potentially, I have a new job. Not the direction I was expecting to move in, but it should be interesting, exciting, and challenging. Through a bizarre intersection of circumstances, I may be effectively in the same location, seeing my current colleagues and coworkers daily. That will require some adjustment -- to remind myself that I don't need to do X, Y, or Z for them, or worry about whether "we" are violating protocol in some incredibly meaningless way.
But this weekend,
I had:
A crappy run on Friday night.
A long walk with a friend.
A short but steep and truly lovely hike with El Bandito.
A dinner date for delicious food, after we sat in the car laughing until the end of NPR's Selected Shorts program. Yes, we're nerds.
A bike ride.
Time to watch dogs frolicking at the beach.
A potential partner for www.muddybuddy.com -- we're negotiating whether it will work out for either of us, but it might. Signing up for a race might help structure my training more too; as is, I run and bike because that helps keep me sane and increase my stamina for trapeze.
An hour spent in the garden plot, pulling weeds and deciding what to plant.
I'm a list-maker. Lists help me see what I've accomplished. What needs to be done. What steps to take.
This list? Two days of sunshine and a nap with the cat.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
recaps and head buckets
Monday. I ran. on the dreadmill. but ran nonetheless.
I hate the gym. Or maybe... I don't like the people in the gym. I'm sure they're all wonderful human beings (OK, maybe not), but there are too many of them in one place, competing for resources and attention and they are in my way. However, I like the aftereffects of going to the gym. Of pushing myself and feeling accomplished.
Tuesday was trapeze.
Wednesday I ran.
Today was more trapeze. It was a better night than Tuesday; on Tuesday everything felt hard. Even things I'd done a hundred times. A few things worked better than usual; my ability to hang upside down with my just feet hooked over the bar has improved greatly. But it felt hard. Tonight was ... no more successful, but didn't feel as challenging. Mental work, but more connection to it.
But looking at all that, it's no wonder my legs have felt leaden recently on my bike commute.
Speaking of bikes, I am vaguely in the market for another one. A road bike, to join my stable of mountain bike and heavy steel city commuter. So if anyone reading this has a recommendation for a good entry level road bike, let me know.
And on a vaguely related topic, can I just say how astounded I am at all the cyclists who don't wear helmets? I hate helmets - they're funny looking and all that. But I would never ride without one. I've had one minor concussion in my life. I don't need another. It's been on my mind with all the news coverage of Natasha Richardson's fall and subsequent death from an epidural bleed. I'm particularly aggravated when I see parents riding with their kids -- the kids are wearing helmets (which is a legal requirement in CA) and often the parents aren't. A) way to be a role model. B) who's going to care for the kids if you end up hospitalized or worse with a brain injury? It's especially upsetting when I see a helmet hanging from the handlebars, so it's clearly not an issue of not being able to afford one. Brain buckets. They save lives.
Ok. rant over.
I hate the gym. Or maybe... I don't like the people in the gym. I'm sure they're all wonderful human beings (OK, maybe not), but there are too many of them in one place, competing for resources and attention and they are in my way. However, I like the aftereffects of going to the gym. Of pushing myself and feeling accomplished.
Tuesday was trapeze.
Wednesday I ran.
Today was more trapeze. It was a better night than Tuesday; on Tuesday everything felt hard. Even things I'd done a hundred times. A few things worked better than usual; my ability to hang upside down with my just feet hooked over the bar has improved greatly. But it felt hard. Tonight was ... no more successful, but didn't feel as challenging. Mental work, but more connection to it.
But looking at all that, it's no wonder my legs have felt leaden recently on my bike commute.
Speaking of bikes, I am vaguely in the market for another one. A road bike, to join my stable of mountain bike and heavy steel city commuter. So if anyone reading this has a recommendation for a good entry level road bike, let me know.
And on a vaguely related topic, can I just say how astounded I am at all the cyclists who don't wear helmets? I hate helmets - they're funny looking and all that. But I would never ride without one. I've had one minor concussion in my life. I don't need another. It's been on my mind with all the news coverage of Natasha Richardson's fall and subsequent death from an epidural bleed. I'm particularly aggravated when I see parents riding with their kids -- the kids are wearing helmets (which is a legal requirement in CA) and often the parents aren't. A) way to be a role model. B) who's going to care for the kids if you end up hospitalized or worse with a brain injury? It's especially upsetting when I see a helmet hanging from the handlebars, so it's clearly not an issue of not being able to afford one. Brain buckets. They save lives.
Ok. rant over.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
comfort zone
I've been having trouble motivating to apply for jobs. Part of it is that the positions I've found to apply for are really not what I want to be doing long-term, except for the job I applied for in December. Unfortunately, I don't think I even got an interview with them -- they still hadn't completed their short list of candidates by mid-February, but I assume they must have at this juncture.
Some of what I want to do would be best done as a freelance/self-employment venture, but I don't have the paper credentials to make that work.
And some of my lack of motivation is comfort in my current position. I know it's ending, sooner rather than later, but it's been a good fit for me and I'm comfortable there.
It's time to step outside my comfort zone.
I realized, after 2.5 hours in the aerial gym last night, that's part of why trapeze is so important to me. Trapeze challenges my comfort zones. It expands them. It makes me face my fears (even rational ones, like "you want me to do what? rotate 180 degrees and let go of my hands?") and evaluate them.
And in a different way, I'm regaining my comfort on the trapeze. The apprehension and fear of "what if I hurt my shoulder again" has slowly dissipated. I don't think of it for most moves.
Get up. Adjust. Try again.
It's not just for trapeze.
Some of what I want to do would be best done as a freelance/self-employment venture, but I don't have the paper credentials to make that work.
And some of my lack of motivation is comfort in my current position. I know it's ending, sooner rather than later, but it's been a good fit for me and I'm comfortable there.
It's time to step outside my comfort zone.
I realized, after 2.5 hours in the aerial gym last night, that's part of why trapeze is so important to me. Trapeze challenges my comfort zones. It expands them. It makes me face my fears (even rational ones, like "you want me to do what? rotate 180 degrees and let go of my hands?") and evaluate them.
And in a different way, I'm regaining my comfort on the trapeze. The apprehension and fear of "what if I hurt my shoulder again" has slowly dissipated. I don't think of it for most moves.
Get up. Adjust. Try again.
It's not just for trapeze.
Monday, February 16, 2009
rain makes applesauce
The title of this post is from a children's book, but became a catchphrase in my family. Somehow, it seemed appropriate after 4 rainy days.
Commuting to work by bicycle is more challenging on wet days -- and somehow, Friday I managed to hit exactly the wrong weather window on my way to work.
But the rain made for a relaxing weekend, a good break. El Bandito the Magnificent and I don't usually really celebrate Valentine's Day, but he came home on Friday with a bottle of champagne anyway. Saturday we wandered through the arboretum in a mix of clouds and vibrant sun before I biked over to the aerial gym for a few hours, and after I returned we walked over to our favorite little gourmet pizza joint. Valentine's Day was perhaps a suboptimal time to go, with a longer wait and slightly less attentive service, but it's one of our favorite dates and a bottle of wine made the time fly by.
I'm still balancing too many things -- full-time current employment with a half-hearted job hunt. There's just been so little I actually want to apply for. I'm either desperately over-qualified or completely underqualified. However, I need to apply the Nike slogan, and just do it. I've been lucky to have the luxury of a few additional months of employment in my current position through some creative funding, but that will run out.
And I should care about that, and not just think "Oooooh, more time to train!" Trapeze classes and training -- there aren't enough hours for that around a standard workweek. Specialized location and equipment -- I can't just lace up my shoes or grab my bike and go. The 4-8 hours a week is nothing compared to the triathlon training a number of people I "know" (waving hello to my imagined and imaginary readers) do, but it's the constraints of when in my day (and week) it can happen that make it another tricky ball to juggle (which is why unemployment momentarily looks attractive...) On Thursday, I found a balance. A butt balance, to be precise. I've been struggling with this for weeks and all of a sudden it worked. That's the thing about trapeze for me. It's so frustrating, requires so much concentration and focus, but then I'll get something and it will be so incredibly rewarding.
And tonight's 3 miles felt rewarding too. My knee's been aching recently, and I've just started a bunch of lower body work and stability exercises (my love-hate relationship with the Bosu is coming along nicely). It still ached tonight, but the miles felt easier, and I timed it well -- no rain, only a few puddles, and I didn't get soggy running shoes! Whooo.
Commuting to work by bicycle is more challenging on wet days -- and somehow, Friday I managed to hit exactly the wrong weather window on my way to work.
But the rain made for a relaxing weekend, a good break. El Bandito the Magnificent and I don't usually really celebrate Valentine's Day, but he came home on Friday with a bottle of champagne anyway. Saturday we wandered through the arboretum in a mix of clouds and vibrant sun before I biked over to the aerial gym for a few hours, and after I returned we walked over to our favorite little gourmet pizza joint. Valentine's Day was perhaps a suboptimal time to go, with a longer wait and slightly less attentive service, but it's one of our favorite dates and a bottle of wine made the time fly by.
I'm still balancing too many things -- full-time current employment with a half-hearted job hunt. There's just been so little I actually want to apply for. I'm either desperately over-qualified or completely underqualified. However, I need to apply the Nike slogan, and just do it. I've been lucky to have the luxury of a few additional months of employment in my current position through some creative funding, but that will run out.
And I should care about that, and not just think "Oooooh, more time to train!" Trapeze classes and training -- there aren't enough hours for that around a standard workweek. Specialized location and equipment -- I can't just lace up my shoes or grab my bike and go. The 4-8 hours a week is nothing compared to the triathlon training a number of people I "know" (waving hello to my imagined and imaginary readers) do, but it's the constraints of when in my day (and week) it can happen that make it another tricky ball to juggle (which is why unemployment momentarily looks attractive...) On Thursday, I found a balance. A butt balance, to be precise. I've been struggling with this for weeks and all of a sudden it worked. That's the thing about trapeze for me. It's so frustrating, requires so much concentration and focus, but then I'll get something and it will be so incredibly rewarding.
And tonight's 3 miles felt rewarding too. My knee's been aching recently, and I've just started a bunch of lower body work and stability exercises (my love-hate relationship with the Bosu is coming along nicely). It still ached tonight, but the miles felt easier, and I timed it well -- no rain, only a few puddles, and I didn't get soggy running shoes! Whooo.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)